Day 12

I don't know why I become so loose and lethargic before exam. This problem is with me since childhood. The day before exam I used to roam here and there. Even if my course is not completed properly I would just relax. The only reason is fear. I fear of solving problems. I don't like to solve problems because I am lazy and stupid. One biggest problem with me I do not like to face humiliation and guilt. I pay for this too, when the results are out I would be the least one to score. Then I would face humiliation continuously from everyone and I have no option left so I bear that. This suppression lead to high blood pressure in me. I know if I read daily and heavily on exam days then I would surely succeed but I don't implement it. My inner conscience doesn't allow me to read and ofcourse that drag which I often discuss about. Today was Bharat bandh so we had no classes and labs. Morning hours we read like anything but when we woke up in the evening we had no mood to read so I played games in my roommate's I pad. During afternoon nap some idiotic guys were sitting besides our window and chit chatting among them in a loud voice and I was not able to sleep in that noise so I scolded them and made them go away from there. Tomorrow is our exam of numerical methods so there will be a heavy preparation let's see I can prepare or not, or move here and there and don't read as I do since childhood. Trying to sleep.....